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" Funny One Liners "

Printed From: CaribbeanChoice
Category: General Discussion
Forum Name: Serial Posts
Forum Discription: Mostly non-discussion posts where the goal is to increase your post count.
URL: http://www.caribbeanchoice.com/forums/forum_posts.asp?TID=77952
Printed Date: 24áOctá2020 at 10:35am


Topic: " Funny One Liners "
Posted By: Angel4me
Subject: " Funny One Liners "
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:23am
Gorgeous, intelligent, kind, sweet, charming, witty, hilarious, friendly...well enough about ME! How are you?



Replies:
Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:23am
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:24am
How do u occupy an idiot? Press down - Press up...Press Down...!


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:24am

***NEWSFLASH*** Tell ALL your female friends that i can get 100 tampons for ú1
... No Strings attached
...but for a limited period ONLY!
...A bloody good deal!

 



Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:24am

Pleas turn your mobile phone upside down now!!! Hurry
370HSSV 0773H

 



Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:24am
FRIEND SEARCH: Friend detector activated...calibration complete, now searching.....still searching....still searching......sorry, no friends found.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:26am
Hw do U kp a txtr in suspense? I'll tel U l8r.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:26am
Press down..More...Ok more...WOW yes ahh ohh yes....almost there....oh god harder..faster..FEELS GOOD...oh goddd!...That's how I sex on text!


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:26am
Ths msg cn only b read by a SEXY person -
Nothing? Soz, I guess UR just not SEXY But hey, i Didnt force it ugly, so get lost!


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:26am
I once had One2One with a Virgin, she teased me till i had an Erikson, sucked me til my face went Orange, til I busted my Siemen all over her Nokias!


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:26am
Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:26am
HELP: Cops are after a suspect who smart, witty, sexy and good lookin...so where you gonna hide ME?


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:27am
This is your CellPhone Operator. We just found out you're too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it. Thank you


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:27am

Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?

A: There is a stamp on it.



Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:27am
A husband was asked: Do u talk to wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:27am
Why'd they call it PMS? Cos Mad cow disease was already taken!


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:29am
I went to ur house justnow - can't enter cos door says *CUTE FOLK NOT ALLOWED* - pls take sign down next time ok!


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:29am
Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:30am
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:30am
Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:30am
I heard you took an IQ test and they said you're results were negative.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:30am
How many letters in the Alphabet? 19, cuz ET went home on a UFO and the FBI went after him.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:30am
Don't feel sad...don't feel blue...Frankenstein was ugly too...


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:30am
U got Sex Appeal...U got Class...U got Moves...U got da Face, da Body....@#$%...I got wrong number...SORRY :)


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:31am
I need a kiss, I need touched, I need your love, I need warmth, I need hugs, I need sex, I need YOU!


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:31am
On the cellphone pad of life, always keep one finger on the disconnect key.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:31am

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.

 



Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:31am
Nope.....u still ugly!


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:31am

Y did the jelly baby go 2 school? Cuz he wanted to be a smarty.

 



Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:31am

What u call dog with no legs? Don't matter wot u call him, he ain't gonna come.

 



Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:31am
Bride's Dad hands a note to the groom: 'GOODS DELIVERED ARE NOT RETURNABLE.' Groom gave another note back to father: 'CONTRACT VOID IF SEAL IS BROKEN.'


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:32am
Girls think boys are fit. Boys think girls are sexy. But hey, no worries - I sure science will come up with somin to help u.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:32am
I think it is time I tell you what people are saying behind your back...! Nice Ass.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:32am
How to impress woman: kiss her, hug her, compliment her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her
How to impress a man: Show up naked with beer.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:32am
How do u keep an idiot amused? Watch this message until it goes away!


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:32am
It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:32am
Whats the best thing about babies? MAKING EM!


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:32am
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:33am
You are here: X


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:33am
Hickory Dickory Dock, dis @#$% woz suckin me c**k, da clock struck 2, i dumped me goo, & dropped her at da end of da block.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:33am
In Ikea they have a Shelf storage system called Nob - So that's the only shop you can go into and ask the assistant to wheel your Nob to the car cuz it's too heavy.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:33am
Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:34am
Jesus loves you...everyone else thinks you're an @#$%!


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:34am
Inflexibility is the hallmark of the Tiny Mind.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:34am

Q: Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation?

A: Because she threw out all the bent ones.



Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:35am
What did the bartender say to the jumper cables when they walked into the bar? Ok u 2, don't start anything.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:35am
Am I getting smart with you? ....How would you know?


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:35am
Bud, what happen??? tried callin many time, everytime i get operator sayin 'Sorry, The Subscriber U R Calling is having Sex, Please try again later.'


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:35am
Bloke calls work : "Boss, cannae come in tae work. I'm sick"
Boss asks: "How sick are u?"
Bloke: "I'm F****ing my Sis, how sick is that???"


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:36am
Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and lets play that game!


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:36am
Roses are red, Pickles are green, I like ur legs and all that's between!


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:36am

I like your style, you got sheer class, but babe, my god, I WANT YOUR ASS!

 



Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:36am
Hey, there is Hot-sex, Group-sex, safe-sex, phone-sex, speedy-sex, crazy-sex and for people wid ur face - NO SEX!


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:36am
When an apple is green, it's ready to pluck, When a girl is sixteen she's ready to ..WOOPS...wrong number....


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:45am

U good at math? Well, add a bed, subtract ur cloths, divide ur legs and we can multiply!

 



Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:45am

Yes, this is my pickup. No, I will not help you move.

 



Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:46am

Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

 



Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:46am
Important Message: Conserve your toilet paper - use both sides.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:46am
I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:46am

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

 



Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:46am
I might be in the basement. I'll go upstairs and check.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:46am
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:46am
There are no personal problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:47am
Just because you're smart does not mean that the other guy is stupid.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:47am

You may be recognized soon. Hide.

 



Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:47am

Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.

 



Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:47am
He who laughs last thinks slowest.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:47am
Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:47am

I pretend to work here - they pretend to pay me.

 



Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:47am
Is somebody not editing what I'm saying here???


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:48am
Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:48am
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:48am
You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:48am
My mom never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-@#$%


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:48am
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:48am
Mind intentionally left blank...


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:49am
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:49am
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:49am
Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:49am
If I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:49am

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time - I think I've forgotten this before.

 



Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:49am
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:49am
The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:50am
It was an accident officer. I was cleaning my fingernails. With ahunting knife. And he ran into me. Backwards. 17 times.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:50am
Born Free........Taxed to Death.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:50am
We will now upgrade your brain, please wait...searching...searching...still searching...sorry NO BRAIN found


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:50am
I remind u that the most powerful force in the universe is sms gossip.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:50am
Just reminding u there is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:50am
My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:51am
Hi - I am a virus and am entering your brain right now...wait, hold on, sorry unable to find brain...leaving now...


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:51am
Note - The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:51am
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:51am
Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:54am
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: On the back she saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:54am
Q: What does Star Trek's Dr Bones McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
A: Space. The final frontier..........


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:54am
Q: What did the blond do when she missed the 66 Bus?
A: She took the 33 bus twice instead


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:54am
Q: Why do ya reckon Blonds don't have elevator jobs?
A: Cos they've no idea of the route.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:55am
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes Twinkle?
A: You shine a torchlight in her ear.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:55am
Q: Did you hear about the blond Bear?
A: Got stuck in a hunter's trap, chewed off it's 2 paws and 1 leg, and was still stuck.


Posted By: Angel4me
Date Posted: 10áNová2007 at 10:55am
Q: How does a stereotypical blonde spell Farm?
A: E-I-E-I-O.



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