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   Wednesday, September 30, 2020 

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 CaribbeanChoice : General Discussion : Fun & Humor
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Citizen Eve
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Quote Citizen Eve Replybullet Topic: Church Jokes
    Posted: 08 Jan 2008 at 10:53am
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride
dressed in white?"
Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."
The child thought about this for a moment then said, "So why is the
groom wearing black?"
"the time is always ripe to do right", Nelson Mandela.
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Citizen Eve
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Quote Citizen Eve Replybullet Posted: 08 Jan 2008 at 11:03am
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she
could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let
me be late! Dear Lord,
please don't let me be late!"
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell,
getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started
running again! As she ran she once again began to pray "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...
But please don't shove me either!"
"the time is always ripe to do right", Nelson Mandela.
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Citizen Eve
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Quote Citizen Eve Replybullet Posted: 08 Jan 2008 at 11:08am
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad
scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad
scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper,
he calls
it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"
"the time is always ripe to do right", Nelson Mandela.
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Citizen Eve
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Quote Citizen Eve Replybullet Posted: 08 Jan 2008 at 11:11am
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no ;male pallbearers.
In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me
out while I was alive,
I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead."
"the time is always ripe to do right", Nelson Mandela.
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Quote Citizen Eve Replybullet Posted: 08 Jan 2008 at 11:14am
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil.
One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?"
The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad."
"the time is always ripe to do right", Nelson Mandela.
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Quote Citizen Eve Replybullet Posted: 08 Jan 2008 at 11:16am
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem A small child replied, "They couldn't get a baby-sitter."
"the time is always ripe to do right", Nelson Mandela.
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Quote Citizen Eve Replybullet Posted: 08 Jan 2008 at 11:19am
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "Honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there
a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
"the time is always ripe to do right", Nelson Mandela.
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Quote Citizen Eve Replybullet Posted: 08 Jan 2008 at 11:21am
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings.
Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one
of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said,
 "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
"the time is always ripe to do right", Nelson Mandela.
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Quote Citizen Eve Replybullet Posted: 12 Jan 2008 at 9:26am

Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland.
Loreen.  Age 9. Tacoma

"the time is always ripe to do right", Nelson Mandela.
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Quote Citizen Eve Replybullet Posted: 15 Jan 2008 at 11:19am

You Need To Have A Bad Day To Get Into Heaven
 
It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died.

St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said
to the first man, 'Tell me about the day you died.'
 
The man said, 'Oh, it was awful.
I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him.
I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him
anywhere.

So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips.
I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes.

So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him.
The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died.'

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died.

'Well, sir, it was awful,' said the second man. 'I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes.
But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!'

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.
 
"Tell me about the day you died?" he said to the third man in line.
 
'OK, picture this; I'm naked, hiding
 inside a refrigerator....'
"the time is always ripe to do right", Nelson Mandela.
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